Oblivia
decided that a walk in the woods was in order that day, mainly because she had
nothing else to do and the woods were just standing there, waiting to be walked
in. The sun was shining, the birds were
chirping, the insects were biting, and all was right with the world.
As
she came upon a quaint little footbridge that practically screamed “Kitsch!”,
someone else literally screamed at the far side of the crossing. Oblivia noticed that a river troll was trying
to drag a jogger by the foot into his under-the-bridge lair, and was not being too
gentle about the whole thing.
“None
of that!” Oblivia chided in her disciplining-children voice as she walked over
the bridge and stomped on the troll’s fingers.
“Hands to yourself, if you please.”
The troll gave a yelp and slithered back to his den of iniquity.
“Oh,
thank you, thank you, thank you!” The
jogger shook Oblivia’s hand vigorously.
“I thought I was a goner!”
“Yes,
perhaps a warning sign should be installed – I’ll be sure to speak to the
ranger office before I leave. Enjoy the
rest of your run!” And Oblivia continued
on her way: she had five miles to cover on this blue square trail and she had
lost time already.
Around
mile 3.3, all sounds of Nature ceased abruptly as she entered a tranquil
field. The sun was covered suddenly by
cumulonimbus clouds and a mysterious fog rolled in from out of who-knows-where.
“Interesting,”
Oblivia observed as she continued her brisk pace past a random ancient burial
plot. The chill increased to the point
where she had to pull her hoodie over her head; she wished she retroactively
had thought to bring a heavier jacket, but that may have made her uncomfortably
warm and sweaty later. Dressing for
spontaneous walks in the park is not to be done carelessly, she thought as
ghost hands reached out to her.
“Oh
my – coming up on your left!” She
remembered to call out at the last moment.
In all her musings on trail-walking attire, she had almost neglected
trail-walking etiquette. That would be
forgivable in an amateur, but not in a seasoned pro such as herself.
“I’m
coming for youuuuuu….” The ghost moaned after her.
“Oh,
that’s all right, I’m headed in the opposite direction – thanks!” She had not quite heard what the figure had
said over her own thoughts, but ending with a “thanks” usually settled things
for good.
Approaching
mile 5, she saw at the top of a hill a bunch of teenagers running haphazardly
in all directions. Does the high school
cross country team have a meet today?
She wondered this before noticing that the kids were not in the best of
shape, nor were they wearing anything that resembled any kind of uniform.
She
then saw that they were followed by an immense figure dressed as a clown, who
was giggling and honking a horn as he ran after first one teen, then
another. A unique way to motivate them
to exercise, she thought. “Go get `em!” She cheered and clapped her encouragement at
them.
The
clown stopped short when he heard her, then turned and ran back into the
woods. Oblivia ran after him: “Wait,
Coach, you’re the last hope these kids have!”
But he was gone.
Seeing
as the teens were all gone, too, Oblivia decided to finish her walk since she
was nearly at the end of the trail and the sun was almost set. Reaching the parking lot just after the moon
had risen, she enjoyed the ambient sounds of wolf howls, mountain lion roars,
chainsaws, and panicked human yells.
“Ah, Nature,” she reflected. How
relaxing.
However,
she almost had a heart attack when she got into her car and saw that the gas
tank was almost empty: “Aiiiiiii!!!!”
