Story 120: Tally-Ho

            The server left the check in-between the two seated at the table: “Whenever you’re ready,” he subtly hinted for them to hurry up and get out.

            The two stared at the intricately itemized bill.

            “I’ve got this,” one said, grabbing the check holder.

            “No, I insist we split it,” said the other, half-meaning it.

            “Oh, we will – I just want to figure out our shares.”

            “Of course.”

            Ten minutes later….

            “Hmm,” the first one said.  “I still can’t see how they got this total.  You think they added three of the drinks back in on the amount but forgot to list them?”

            “No.”

            “Hmmmmmm.  You have a calculator?”

            “On my phone.”

            “I like the feel of a real one.”

            “The real one on the phone will have to do.”

            Twenty minutes later…

            Sweat was collecting around the check accountant’s brow.  “I don’t get why my appetizer keeps disappearing!”

            “Would you like an abacus?”

            “Why, do you have one?”

            “…Would you like me to take a look at the check?”

            “No-no, I almost have it.  You ordered the seafood salad and the double dessert, right?”

            “Right, but don’t forget our entrees were BOGO.”

            “Bogus?”
            “Buy One Get One free.”

            “Wouldn’t that be BOGOF?”

            “BOGOF would sound stupid.”

            “And BOGO sounds smart?!”

            “Go back to the check: our waiter is looking as if he wants to kill us.”

            The server was watching them from the corner where he stood with the entire staff of the restaurant.  He literally could do nothing else since the two were the last customers of the restaurant, which had closed an hour ago.

            Fifteen minutes later….

            “I’ve got it!  At last!”  The restaurant staff clapped and cheered.  “Your half is $61.50.”

            “Finally – here.”

            “You gave me $65.00.”

            “I have no more change.”

            “I have no more change, either!”

            “Here!  Take my change, please!”  The server dispensed 14 quarters from his change belt to cover the difference as he scooped up the check, money, napkins, and glasses.  “Thank-you-have-a-good-night-good-bye!”

            “But – ”

            “I will pay you to never eat here again.”

            “That’s fair.”