On the
first night of Hanukkah, my mother gave to me: a 40-inch flat-screen TV.
“What?! That’s too expensive – how could you blow the
first night on something so big! I said
I was going to buy it myself, and I only got you some gloves! I can’t believe you spent the money – ”
“You’re
welcome.”
On the
second night of Hanukkah, my mother got from me: a hot stone massage
certificate, for one free.
“Those
things are rip-offs – you can’t get more from hot stones than they already can do with
their hands, my masseur friend told me, you shouldn’t have wasted the money,
here you take it – ”
“OK!”
On the
third night of Hanukkah, my mother gave to me: a set of brand-new kitchen
cutlery.
“I don’t
need these.”
“You can
always use new ones.”
“Mine are
new!”
“These
are back-ups: what if you have company and you need more? And don’t tell me that you’d use plastic – I raised
you better.”
“Yes’m.”
On the
fourth night of Hanukkah, my mother got from me: a set of brand-new kitchen
cutlery.
“These
are the ones I just gave you, aren’t they.”
“Of
course not! I figured you also may need
back-ups, just in case.”
“All
right, but I have no room, so I’ll leave these in your house until I need them.”
On the
fifth night of Hanukkah, my mother gave to me: a nice sweater, warm and fuzzy.
“This is
great! I needed a new one!”
“Don’t be
insincere; I know you hate them, but I’m running out of ideas for you kids.”
“No, no,
I like it, I’ll wear it right now, I mean it!
Don’t give me that look, Mom.”
“I know
you’re doing it because you think it’ll make me happy, so I won’t stop you.”
“Good,
`cause I’m freezing. You really need to
turn up the heat.”
“This is
your house!”
“…Oh
yeah.”
On the
sixth night of Hanukkah, my mother got from me: a home-cooked meal made traditionally.
“Everything
is a bit…”
“Bland?”
“I didn’t
want to put it that harshly, but yes.”
“Want me
to order pizza?”
“Please.”
On the
seventh night of Hanukkah, my mother gave to me: my inheritance, super-early.
“And you
get all my jewelry, but your brother gets the train set.”
“Why are
we talking about this now?!”
“I’m out
of gift ideas, so I’m letting you know all the gifts you’ll receive in the future. The very distant future.”
“Thanks?”
“It’s no
trouble.”
On the
eight night of Hanukkah, my mother and I got each other: nothing.
“It was
fun when you were kids, but now it’s a struggle.”
“I
know! This is so much better. More wine?”
“You have
to ask?”
“I love
you, Mom.”
“I love
you, too, dear.”
