Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Story 105: Room for One More

            (After the Driver enters her car at the end of the workday, she buckles her seat belt, starts the engine, and turns her head to reverse out of the parking spot.  That is when she sees it: a huge spider web, attached to the left rear window and left rear seat, in the middle of which rests a huge spider)
            Spider: Hi there.
            Driver: Oh… my….
            Spider: Don’t mind me; just chillin’, waiting for the nasty bugs to come my way.  You may proceed.
            Driver: Umm, OK, but you really can’t stay here once I get home.
            Spider: Why not?
            Driver: Because, for one thing, you’re freaking me out!
            Spider: Hey, this is an arrangement that can only benefit you.  Besides, you’re the one who left the window open a crack for just any old trespasser to come on in – you should thank your lucky stars that it was me.
            Driver: That’s another thing: I’m not going to leave the window open all night long, so you’re going to wind up suffocating.
            Spider: Probably not, but thanks for your concern.
            Driver: And another thing: no bugs are going to randomly fly through the doors or the narrow crack above the window for you to trap, so you’re going to starve to death!
            Spider: You may have a point there, but let’s test that theory and find out in the morning, shall we?
            Driver: Oh all right, but don’t leave me more of a mess than you already have.
            Spider: Make no promises.
            (The next morning, the Driver enters her car)
            Driver: Morning!  Still alive?
            Spider: Oh yes, thank you for leaving the window open; that was a big help.
            (The Driver adjusts her rear view mirror and screams: a bat is hanging upside-down from the ceiling of the car)
            Bat: (Waking up) Whoa, what happened?
            Driver: What is that doing in here?!
            Spider: Oh, hope you don’t mind, since the window was open he needed a place to hang out for a while.  Get it: “hang out”?
            Bat: Groovy.
            Driver: No, no, no, I need both of you out of here now!  (She starts to get out of the car)
            Spider: Hold a minute, please just chillax –
            Driver: I will not chillax!  I can’t drive with obstructed rear views!  And aren’t you two natural enemies anyway?
            Spider: Not necessarily.
            Bat: (Half-asleep) Yeah, little dude’s pretty cool.
            Driver: I don’t care.  I’m getting the broom.  (She starts to leave again)
            Bat: (Fully awake) It’s OK, I’ll move!  (He drops to the floor)
            Spider: Yeah, I can get out of the way! (She unhooks the web and transfers it to the back of the driver’s seat) See?  Now you don’t even know we’re here.
            Driver: Except that I know you’re here.  But, I suppose you’re not doing me any harm –
            Bat: Thanks, lady, you’re all right!
            Spider: Yes, much appreciated.
            Driver: I’m blaming you guys if I get into an accident.
            Spider: Duly noted.
            (The next morning, the Driver enters her car)
            Driver: Still alive?
            Spider: (Drinking) Oh yes, we’re doing just fine, thank you.
            Bat: [Snores]
            Driver: Wonderful.  (She sees a stirring in the back seat) What… is… that?!
            Werewolf: (Sits up and yawns) Oh, hello, ma’am!  Sorry to crash in your vehicle, but these two said it was OK.
            Driver: How’d you even get in here?!
            Werewolf: Well, when I’m not a wolf, I’m a car thief.
            Driver: Get out!  (She starts to dial 911 on her cell phone)
            Werewolf: Actually, since I’m a wolf right now I won’t be stealing your car.  Or eating you, for that matter, `cause I’m full.  And no one will believe you if you tell them that you have a werewolf in the backseat of the car, so you might as well not sound crazy to the police this early in the morning.
            Driver: (Reluctantly disconnects the call) I want you all out of here in the next 30 seconds or I’m reporting you as carjackers.  (All three groan) I don’t care!
            Spider: Thanks for ruining it for the rest of us, wolf man.
            Werewolf: Hey, I have one more night on the full moon, what am I gonna do?
            Driver: Whatever you’ve done up to this point!  And shouldn’t you be changed back into a man during the daytime?
            Werewolf: It’s full moon o’clock somewhere.
            Bat: What’s going on?  Are we getting evicted?
            Driver: Yes!  I want you all out of my sight!
            Spider: Well that’s easy.  (All three duck out of sight)
            Driver: Out of my car!
Spider: But I thought we were going to drive cross-country together solving crimes!
Bat: Ooh, that’d be sweet.
Werewolf: I’d agree, but I’m wanted in seven states.  Ooh, my fur probably could be my disguise though – you mind if we do this thing only four days a month?
Driver: No we cannot!  Eject yourselves!
(The Driver’s car screeches away as the other three are left behind on the driveway)
Spider: That was a bust.  Back to braving the elements.
(A toad carrying a suitcase hops up to the group)
Toad: Hi!  Word is there’s a mobile home with room for one more.
Bat: Sure is!  (To the other two) Don’t worry, we’ll wear her down eventually.
Werewolf: Awesome, I haven’t had a real project in a long time, this’ll be great!
Spider: I call dibs on the front passenger seat!

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