“I’m
going to put the drops in your eyes now,” the ophthalmologist said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes when they’re fully
dilated.”
The
patient leaned back in the exam chair, waiting for the familiar pressure as his
corneas would be forced wide open against their will. Surprisingly, this time he did not feel that,
but the room still became suspiciously brighter with each passing minute.
When the
ophthalmologist returned, the patient asked: “Are these new drops? I think they’re working, but they don’t feel
like they normally do.”
“Why,
yes, actually they’re from a – whoa!”
The ophthalmologist saw the patient’s eyes for the first time since
re-entering the room.
“What?”
“It’s,
just, your eyes are really ready for me to look at now,” she said. His eyes had been green on his arrival for the
appointment, but the green had been reduced to a faint memory of itself as it
was literally eclipsed by the gaping chasms that were his pupils. “Don’t look directly into the light.”
She
finished the exam and sent him on his way with: “Make sure you wear sunglasses
when you go outside!”
“Heh, I
think I need them in here!”
THREE DAYS
LATER
“Doctor,
a patient’s on the phone with a question – he says his pupils are still dilated
from the other day? Does that sound
right?”
“Oh. I’ll take it in my office.” The ophthalmologist closed the door and
picked up the line. “This is the doctor.”
“Doc, you
gotta help me, my eyes are still dilated!”
“Has
there been any change?”
“None that
I can see, and I can see everything now!
People at work think I’m too cool for school `cause I can’t use the
computer without sunglasses, and I keep getting pulled over for erratic driving
`cause it’s so bright, and the cops think I’m on drugs!”
“Oh no,
you haven’t been arrested, have you?”
“I
have! They recommended I call you after
the second time.”
“Yes,
come right in.”
He came
in an hour later, wearing the type of sunglasses usually given to people who
have had cataract surgery. “I got pulled
over again!”
“Right
this way, please.” She led him to an
exam room with the lights turned down low; he took off the sunglasses and
pressed his fists against his eyes. “Let
me see.” He lowered his hands and opened
his eyes: there had been no change. When
she shone a soft light at the pupils, she could have sworn that she could see both
the outside and the inside of the corneas at the same time.
She
decided to give it to him straight: “After you left the other day, I saw that
the drops I had given you were from a sample pack that had been sent to me in
error. Other than the brightness, have
you seen anything else unusual? Colors
you never noticed before?”
“Yes,
actually I now see a weird red wherever there’s heat, and a lot of a weird
purple in the light.”
“Mm-hm. Yes, it seems the drops have given you
super-vision, where you now can see all the colors in the spectrum, including
infrared and ultraviolet, and who knows what else. There’s no way to reverse it without killing
you, so I contacted the NSA where the package had come from and they’re
recruiting you for their research and surveillance divisions.”
“Wha – ?”
The door
opened and two men in suits and shades entered.
“Come
with us to your new life, sir.” Each grabbed
an arm and hauled him out of the exam chair.
“But –
but – but I’m a paralegal!” The door
shut gently behind them.
That’s
the last time I use something without first reading the package it came in, the
ophthalmologist thought as she went to the next exam room for her 1:15. Lesson learned.
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