Thursday, February 12, 2015

Story 69: Meditations During an Action Movie

            So I’m in the theater on the opening weekend of the latest sci-fi blockbuster and I’m watching the space battle, and there’s lasers firing and spaceships swooping and pilots making grunting faces as they fly and shoot their cannons and the one ship is chasing another through an exploding star, and it’s all very busy.  And about halfway through this, I start thinking:
            Wait a minute – if the heroine is from the main characters’ future, how come she doesn’t remember who wins this?
            Since the bad guys control all means of production in the galaxy, where did the good guys get all their ships `n stuff?  Did they have to steal it?  Would that make them bad?
            Is that brooding pilot going to turn traitor in the Second Act?  He has the tragic backstory for it.
            Why does the actor who plays The Regent have top billing when we’re an hour into the movie and he’s barely been on screen?  Is it because he hasn’t been in a movie for 10 years?
            If space is a vacuum, how come we can see the lasers and hear the explosions?
            If space is a vacuum, how come that guy didn’t explode when he was kicked off the ship without a pressurized suit?  It would have been disgusting, but accurate.
            Why did I get charged the evening price for my ticket when the show started at 4:00?
            Did I leave the dryer on when I left the house?
            How much time did it take to create all those effects shots?
            How much money did this sequence cost, and will the money the movie earns make up for the expense?
            Do the people working on the film get paid no matter what, even if it bombs?  If it doesn’t make a profit, does anyone have to give back the difference to the producers?
            How long do you have to be in the industry before you can ask for a share in the profits?  Is that only for the “creative talent”, or can someone like the set carpenter ask for that?
            Is time real, or is it only a human construct?
            That was when I realized that a whole lot of nothing was happening on the screen, and I felt a little sorry for everyone involved in making something so frenetic so boring.
            That CG supernova is very pretty, though.


  1. good point. doesn't say much for my attention span. it seems most movies are like this--mind-numbing

  2. Thanks! You can probably guess the movie where I started thinking about this (it wasn't bad, just the action sequences didn't engage me as they should).