The island was typical Caribbean, with its lush
jungle, white sand, moderate-to-hot temperature, and water that was clear and
not putrid. The people who lived there
tried to get by on the main industry available in that job market –
tourism. Otherwise known as foreigner
bum-kissing.
The
interior of the island was quiet, but as you made your way towards the shore,
the sounds of revelry could not be missed.
On the day The Manly Men and their following arrived, the once-pristine
beach was enveloped in a seething mass of humanity, stretching from one end of
the island to the other with nary a break.
Those not ensconced in the painstakingly setup beach chairs made do on
their own beach towels or in beach cabanas with beach butler service.
The other
tourists were mildly miffed – the barbecue tucked away in the island’s interior
was now overrun by screaming, starving fans who disturbed the serious
picnickers who were only trying to enjoy their hamburgers in peace. Those who came to study the local flora,
handily labeled with their scientific and common names and surrounded by
roaming chickens, gave up on making any progress in their research that day.
The stage
The Men used on the beach was an authentic replica of The Great Barrier Reef,
destroyed parts and all. Michael, Andy,
Sandy, and Luke dove off their private luxury tender and swam to shore as clown
fish, then ditched the costumes and fooled around for two hours on their fans’
dime. The show abruptly ended when they
announced there was to be an obstacle course event, had a path to the water
cleared among the nearly-nude bodies, then ran into the sea and swam back to
the cruise ship that was anchored a mile offshore (Michael almost didn’t make
it and had to be towed by a local kayaker).
With none of the island’s charms worth sticking around for, the audience
bled out onto their own rollicking tenders, bounced across the sea, and were
flung into the ship, the closest thing to solid ground they were going to
get. Once emptied, the island began to
breathe again.
The party
boat meandered its way back to reality, as all things must end in the fullness
of time. Souvenir sales were racked up
by the hundreds, last-minute food and alcohol were downed, more photos than
could be seen in a lifetime were developed and purchased, and the breakfast
buffet was torn to shreds as the mainland horrifically drew nearer and nearer.
Still at
full speed, the ship came crashing into port on the waves of euphoria. After their farewell strip show the night
before, The Men had snuck away and stood at the bow for hours, waiting for this
moment. Clasping each other’s hands, as
the ship met land they leapt as one into the air, gliding in a graceful arc
before landing gently into their limousines through the sunroofs. Having endured traumas beyond expression,
they were never seen by their subjects again.
The
remaining cruisers braced themselves to face the many trials of disembarking
and scattering to their respective homes at the four corners of the globe. Relaxing vacations can be quite exhausting.
THE END
No comments:
Post a Comment