Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Story 146: Reply All or Nothing



            To: All Users
            From: Human Resources
            Subject: Survey

            Please complete the annual company survey at https://---------.---.

            Thank you,

            Human Resources

            To: All Users
            From: Brian F.
            Subject: RE: Survey

            Hi,

Will we be penalized for not completing the survey?  My heart’s just not in it right now.

            Thanks,

            Brian

To: All Users
            From: Human Resources
            Subject: RE: Survey

            Brian,

The answer to your question, for anyone else who also may ask it, is no.

            Thank you,

            Human Resources

            To: All Users
            From: Samantha K.
            Subject: RE: Survey

            Can I come in tomorrow to talk about the raise I didn’t get?

            To: All Users
            From: Human Resources
            Subject: RE: Survey

All Users: Please do not select “Reply All” when responding to the original message.

Samantha: Please call your local Human Resources office and make an appointment.

            Thank you,

            Human Resources.

            To: All Users
            From: Tyler Y.
            Subject: RE: Survey

Hi, can I take the survey for my boss?  He’s out on leave but wanted to contribute his input.

            Tyler

            To: All Users
            From: Human Resources
            Subject: RE: Survey

            Tyler and anyone else who may want to ask the same question: Clearly not.

            Thank you,

            Human Resources

            To: All Users
            From: Samantha K.
            Subject: RE: Survey

            No one’s answering in the office – can you help me with my raise????

            To: All Users
            From: Human Resources
            Subject: RE: Survey

Samantha: Please leave a message with your local Human Resources office and someone will get back to you.

            All Users: Please do not select “Reply All” when responding to the original message.

            Thank you,

            Human Resources

            To: All Users
            From: Brian F.
            Subject: RE: Survey

Brian again – I think I will do the survey after all, now that I think about it.  Is that all right or have I already been disqualified?

            Thanks,

            Brian

            To: All Users
            From: Human Resources
            Subject: RE: Survey

All Users: The survey is accessed by entering your ID number – no one is ever blocked and the number can only be used once.

            Please direct all further questions to this e-mail address: ---@---.---.

            Thank you,

            Human Resources

            To: All Users
            From: Tyler Y.
            Subject: RE: Survey

One more question: can I do the survey for my co-worker who’s also out on leave?

Tyler

            To: All Users
            From: Human Resources
            Subject: RE: Survey

FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD EVERYONE STOP HITTING REPLY ALL!!!!  HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU NEED TO BE TOLD IN THE SAME E-MAIL THREAD??!!!???  NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR ISSUES AND YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELVES APPEAR OBTUSE!!!!! YOU ALL SHOULD BE FIRED FOR FAILURE TO FOLLOW SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS TIME AND TIME AGAIN!!!!!

            INCOMPREHENSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

            Tyler: The answer to every question you will ever have on this subject is “No.”

            Thank you,

            Human Resources

            To: All Users
            From: Samantha K.
            Subject: RE: Survey

            No one has returned my message yet – should I try calling them again?

            To: All Users
            From: Human Resources
            Subject: RE: Survey

Automated Message: This user has resigned due to the effects of the infinite feedback loop created by a paradox of insanity – please direct all further inquiries to ComprehendE-mailUse@LearnBasicComputing.com.

            To: All Users
            From: Brian F.
            Subject: RE: Survey

Hi, 

It’s Brian again: I wanted to let you know that I decided not to take the survey after all – there’s just too much pressure on me right now.  Is that all right?

            Thanks a bunch!

            Brian

2 comments:

  1. I love it. So typical of those survey you get from just about service you use. HAHA

    ReplyDelete