The feature story cut to the reporter on the scene, the only person at the event who is dressed in a suit. He speaks with an English accent, which underscores his authority.
Reporter: I am standing here in Seaview Towne, surrounded by, literally, tens of thousands of people, all gathered together for one purpose: the 757th Walk to Kill Breast Cancer. I cover this event multiple times each month, and I am always amazed at the dedication and support that this cause consistently generates. The time, effort, and funds entailed truly are admirable.
(He brings the cameraman to the registration booth)
Registrar: (To a Registrant) Good morning, thank you for supporting the Walk to Kill Breast Cancer.
Registrant: (Pauses in handing over a check) Hold on – I thought this was the Walk to Kill Juvenile Diabetes?
Registrar: I think that got moved to next week.
Registrant: (Turns away muttering) Again with the stupid breast cancer, thinks it’s better than everybody else.
Reporter: At the stage, we have the party D.J.s from a local radio station here to warm everyone up for the grand event.
(The camera swings over to show the dancers exercising, then starting to strip; the image cuts to the Reporter, standing next to a Walker whose shirt is covered in decals)
Reporter: I am standing here with a local resident who has broken all sorts of records with the staggering amount of money she has raised for this event: over $300,000 from 52 different sponsors. Tell me, miss, how did you manage to raise so much money, virtually single-handedly?
Walker: Well, my employer (Points to the top center decal on her shirt) wanted me to walk, so I said, “Sure”, and I kept telling people I was walking, and people kept asking me to walk for them for their jobs, so I said I’d walk for whoever’d give me money. Woo-hoo!
Reporter: I think it is fantastic that you were able to raise all that money to donate to such a worthy cause.
Walker: (Blinks) Yes. Donate. All that money. All that money….
(Cut to a dog wearing a T-shirt and riding in a cart)
Reporter: (Squatting for the interview) Tell me, Rover, how did you score such a sweet gig while everyone else here has to slog through the trenches, hm?
Reporter: (Suddenly standing at the top of a fire engine’s ladder) And they’re off! (Watches for a few moments) Getting 20,000 people to fit through one entrance is a bit slowgoing, so let’s come back when they actually start walking, shall we?
Reporter: (On the ground) Hello, welcome back to our coverage of the Walk to Kill Breast Cancer. The initial bottleneck at the start of the Walk has eased up, so the participants’ speed has advanced to zombie as they wind through the town. They must traverse 5 km of the pre-established route, else the whole thing is meaningless. I am now trespassing through private property to get a view of the front of the mob.
(Cut to a boardwalk)
Reporter: As you can see behind me, some intrepid participants are utilizing the now-free beach to ease their claustrophobia, and one forward-thinking lad brought his own surfboard to advance in the event. (Looks out at the ocean – the camera follows his gaze) Those waves may appear calm now, but I wouldn’t want to be here come winter, if you take my meaning.
(He is overrun by walkers-turned-joggers; cut to the middle of the town)
Reporter: I am standing here at the last leg (Winks) of the Walk, and we seem to be missing half of our participants. However, their donations have already been submitted, so the only thing lost is their own personal pride. (Goes to a water station) The kind folks at a local supermarket have generously been supplying free water bottles to the walkers, and – ooh! Lawn decorations at half off! Johnny, quick, give me my wallet.
(Cut to the Finish Line)
Reporter: (With a garden gnome tucked under his arm) Ending where it all began, the Walk finishes in the same gathering place as where it commenced. There are several hundred stragglers remaining who are now dodging traffic as we speak, since the roads have finally re-opened to automobiles. Well, that concludes our coverage of the 757th Walk to Kill Breast Cancer, and it appears to have been another smashing success. I will sign off this report with one final shot of the many, many, many cars all struggling to leave town at the exact same time. (He hops onto a helicopter)
(Cut to an aerial view of the lines of cars inching towards the town’s lone exit)
Reporter: This is Channel 12,345, reporting live, from the only way to travel.